An Open Letter to Alistair Darling

Thursday, 30 July 2009

We are in a bit of an economic hole.
(Oh and for the record it started in America)
We are all aware of the huge sums of money used to bail out banks.
We currently have a £30 Billion odd taxation hole due to failing businesses, redundancies etc.
We have the worst record and level of government borrowing in our entire political and fiscal history.

So I sat down a few months ago and came up with this little gem.
My friend Subrosa posted it at my request, and now I feel it indeed needs a further airing.

Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on
lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay
them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the
following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered -Car Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed.

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there's your money back in duty/tax etc.

It can't get any easier than that!

Run it past big Mandleson, ooops I mean Gordon. He has a keen eye for fiscal policy.

Lots of Love



7 Responses to “An Open Letter to Alistair Darling”
Post a Comment | Post Comments (Atom)

John M Ward said...

Nice one! It could even work…

30 July 2009 at 18:37
Anonymous said...

That is so beautifully simple. An addendum, to make it financially imperative, rather than merely attractive: All those who have worked in the priate sector must give up their pensions.

30 July 2009 at 19:16


PS Nice to have you with us TLOTF

30 July 2009 at 22:21
Barking Spider said...

It is so wonderfully simple that it would go completely over Brown's head!

31 July 2009 at 02:42
Charles said...

By the way, we couldn't afford this.

(sorry to burst the bubble).

When people talk about the government deficit being in billions, they are using US (thousands of millions) not UK (millions of millions) as a benchmark.

You are talking about spending 20 TRILLION on this...

1 August 2009 at 16:38


Errr No sorry dont see that.

Million six zeros

2 August 2009 at 09:19